Update美國對笨蛋來說真是仙境,今天3月26日《蘋果日報》記載,凱特貝金塞講話臭過塞,她寧可吃陰道,也不願意碰生魚片壽司。(危險的偏食習慣!) 「坦白說,我怕死生魚片了,至少陰道還是溫的。」凱特貝金塞(演員,美國) "I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm."Kate Beckinsale
英國《太陽報》今列出近代20句最笨的名人傻語錄,你我熟知的一線明星(A-list)原來全是脫線諧星(eh?-list)。其中八成真的非常好笑,忍不住搬來這裡與大夥同歡。 「所以今年要在哪舉辦坎城影展勒?」克莉絲汀(歌手,美國) "So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" Christina Aguilera 「我得去很多海外地區,好比加拿大。」布蘭妮(歌手/演員,美國) "I get to go to lots of overseas places... like Canada."Britney Spears 「我虧欠雙親太多,尤其是我媽和我爸。」「大白鯊」桂格紐曼(高爾夫名將,澳州) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."Golfer Greg Norman 「每次在電視上看到世界各地遭受飢荒的孩子,我就忍不住落淚。我是很想瘦成那樣沒錯啦,但不喜歡蒼蠅和死亡之類的東西。」瑪麗亞凱莉(歌手/演員,美國) "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey 「我不節食。我只是沒盡情大吃。」琳達伊凡吉莉絲塔(超級名模,加拿大) "I don't diet. I just don't eat as much as I'd like to." Supermodel Linda Evangelista 「已故藝人是真正幸福的藝人,因為屆時你不再改變。等我百年之後,或許會變成一把油漆刷。」席維斯史特龍(演員,美國) "The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush." Actor Sylvester Stallone 「我沒有厭食症。我來自德州,有聽過德州人厭食嗎?前所未聞,我就是其中一分子。」潔西卡辛普森(歌手/演員,美國) "I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me."Jessica Simpson 「吸菸致命。如果你沒命了,你會遺失人生中最重要的一部份。」布魯克雪德絲(演員,美國) "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields during an anti-smoking campaign interview. 「什麼是家樂福?是專門賣大家樂的地方嗎?」派瑞絲希爾頓(演員/歌手,美國) "What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff? "Paris Hilton(Wal-Mart專賣wall,派瑞絲真格是只吃天上大便的仙女啊。) 「我從不喜歡去日本,只因為我不愛吃魚,但偏偏非洲那兒很流行吃魚。」布蘭妮(歌手/演員,美國) "I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa."Britney Spears 「到底是雞肉還是魚肉來著?我知道它叫鮪魚,但有人說它是海底雞。」潔西卡辛普森(歌手/演員,美國) "Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken by the sea."Jessica Simpson 「我不確定是否有什麼人生關鍵改變了我,但我14歲就有第一次性經驗。」安潔莉娜裘莉(演員,美國) "I'm not sure if there was a key event that changed me, but I first had sex when I was 14."Angelina Jolie 「我有品味(味覺),與生俱來。」「李麥克」大衛赫索霍夫(演員/歌手,美國) "I've got taste. It's inbred in me." David Hasselhoff 「我認為《獨領風騷》相當有深度,它的深度來自於它很淺白。我想真正的淺白非得出自於最深處」艾莉希亞席維史東(演員,美國) "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." Alicia Silverstone 「我覺得上帝是天庭中一支巨大的按摩棒,以超能的幹勁發功使力。」大衛阿奎特(演員,美國) "I think God is a giant vibrator in the sky ... a pulsating force of incredible energy."David Arquette 「我想同志婚姻應該是指一男一女之間的事。」阿諾史瓦辛格(州長/演員,美國) "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." Arnold Schwarzenegger 「他會說英語和西班牙語,同時他也是個雙語人士。」唐金(拳擊經紀人,美國) "He speaks English, Spanish, and he’s bilingual too."Don King 「我爽的時候就是我的最佳狀態。」薇諾娜瑞德(演員,美國) "I feel my best when I'm happy. "Winona Ryder(不知道笑點在哪,應該是廢話。) 「你莫名其妙就成為美國版的賓拉登。只有奧薩馬賓拉登懂我。」勞凱利(歌手,美國) "All of a sudden you're like the Bin Laden of America. Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows what I'm going through." R.Kelly 「東角在哪?我以為在外國。」潔德古帝(實境秀《老大哥Big Brothers》參賽選手,英國) "Where's East Angular though? I thought that was abroad. "Jade Goody 原文大致是,有個參賽者說他在劍橋工作,傻大姊潔德回:「我知道倫敦,因為我來自那裡,但劍橋在哪?」「在East Anglia(東英格蘭)。」「East Angular?那不是在國外嗎?」(可試想像有個台灣鄉民誤以為「北鼻」類似鵝鑾鼻是個知名地點,而且在國外,但地圖上保證找不到。據說East Angular is abroad這句話因此在英國民間盛行。)
台灣版傻語錄呢?暫時只想到以下這些,讓我們一起補完吧。(持續增白中!) 杜正勝:「成語使人懶惰。」 伊能靜:「羽扇倫巾。趟目結舌。鶴蚌相爭。」 蔡依林:「越王句踐臥薪嘗肝。」「三國演義的三國是指劉備、關羽、張飛。」「未完的組雨(齟齬)。」「我不想只學個毛皮。」「我跳瑜伽舞只是牛刀一試。」 胡婉玲:「櫻花鉤吻鮭和綠蠵龜有沒有關係?」「請問這件分屍案有無他殺的嫌疑?」「救難直昇機在空中盤旋整整一星期!」(讀稿機是一周) 侯佩岑:「小朋友罹患扁桃腺腺體肥大,很容易阻吸呼塞道。」 Johnny(指著奧斯卡星光大道上的海利喬奧斯蒙現場口譯):「歐買尬!麥考利克金!」 呂秀蓮:「我就像黑面琵鳩一樣,嘴雖黑,但絕不是嘴黑心硬的人,我是台灣政壇上瀕臨絕種的稀有動物,就像黑面琵鳩一樣。」 李四端:「捐血一命,救人一袋。」