「發福蝶」瑪麗亞凱莉（Mariah Carey）4月將推出新專輯《咪咪方程式》（E=MC²），第一波主打歌《摸咪咪》（Touch My Body）上周終於在美電台首播，由《小雨傘》（Umbrella）詞曲作者寫的超動聽中板舞曲，琅琅上口，旋律卻也很老套，彷彿你可以跟她以前的Shake Honey Off Always Be My Breakdown Baby全混在一起唱也ok，原來真的有所謂咪咪方程式，套進去就會冒出冠軍曲之類的。 最讓我震驚的是她貴為美國天后，唱的歌詞內容竟呼應遠在香港的陳冠希豔照門事件。 話說上周五，全天下的人再度不理我的酒局邀約，我就乖乖回家上網，此時msn遇到「終身咪咪迷」小布問我對這首話題單曲的感想。我不察歌詞乍聽第一回，就立刻反映「讚讚讚」，聽到這款小情歌中唐突冒出諧趣字句「I will hunt you down」，更覺得清新且傾心。replay第二次時，好像聽到一些關於打砲嘿咻聲與快門喀喳聲的故事線索。我緊張地google歌詞核對一下，這一核對，媽呀對，是真的，咪咪竟高調開示阿嬌柏芝等女星「床笫之間不容一台機子」的道理，唱得比說得還好聽，timing有沒有這麼巧。 反正當晚去不成夜店，我就乖乖在家作張圖紀念這個無巧不成書的moment。本想使用豔照門的寫真來合成，但考慮了三分鐘後人道思維作祟，不願再撥穴剝削無辜受害者，所以直接找陳冠希一夫當關就好，接著陸續兩天有一搭沒一搭地譯完sing along版歌詞，趁新鮮放上網誌。中譯歌詞加減看就好，本文太色太色，我力有未逮，只好往更黃的境地發展，似乎毀掉不少中庸美感。至於本篇題目則是抄的，據說來自PTT鄉民的創意，非常之好，Touch My Body音譯還真的就是她去買把笛（起立鼓掌）。咪咪如果再失控胖下去，那就成了她去買Buffet了..." Don't touch my buffet! " she said.（復座披衣禦寒。）
重大update學海無涯，認錯是岸。英語專家Richard指出，「If it's a camera up in here, then it's gonna leave with me when I do」這兩句話該是翻作「如果我答應讓你性愛自拍的話，檔案應該是由我保管」。我知道有很多網民崇拜諧星，身為一個諧星，我失敗了，我真的好傻，好天真，希望喜愛英文的朋友不要被我誤導，也切勿向我學習。
MC...摁摁摁，總是在這滴 MC ... uh uh uh in the place to be 喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～ Oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea oh yea 早知道你等很久了呴人家也素 I know that you been waitin' for it, I'm waitin' too 在春夢中的偶已全身朝向你撲 In my imagination I be all up on you 早知道你患了咪咪熱燒到百度 I know you got that fever for me hundred and two 哎唷喂我何嘗不是體溫飆到天翻地覆 And boy I know I feel the same My temperature's through the roof 假如你喜歡自拍淫照 If it's a camera up in here 那小女子我就不加入（加入） Then it's gonna leave with me when I do(I do) 就算你喜歡自拍淫照 If it's a camera up in here 最好別被散播到網路（網路） Then I best not catch this flick on Youtube(Youtube) 要是你大頭症到處亂吹我吹過你小頭 'Cuz if you run your mouth and brag about this secret rendezvous 我殺你滅口 I will hunt you down 可不想康熙來了對臘腸鮑魚一種注目把下面端上檯面亂入 'Cuz they be all up in my bidness like a Wendy interview 這是私處，不是公路 But this private between you and I 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 快把我推倒 Put me on the floor 玩一玩摔角 Wrestle me around 別停好不好 Play wit me some more 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 快扔我上床 Throw me on the bed 我要你領教到什麼叫真爽 I just wanna make you feel like you never did 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 容我開腿來 Let me wrap my thighs 夾纏你腰來 All around your waist 這只是前菜 Just a little taste 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 就知道你愛 Know you like my curves 那還不快給我來愛愛，就先摸咪咪 C'mon and give me what I deserve And touch my body 請把我穿在身上當作國王新衣 You can put me on you like a brand new white tee 而你是小尻牛仔褲貼得我好緊 I'll hug your body tighter than my favorite jeans 你的愛撫揚起了熱帶一陣風輕 I want you to caress me like a tropical breeze 放逐你我在加勒比海的暖浪裡 And float away with you in a Caribbean sea 假如床邊有相機攝錄 If it's a camera up in here 那小女子我不願加入（加入） Then it's gonna leave with me when I do(I do) 就算床邊有相機攝錄 If it's a camera up in here 別被我逮到放上Youtube（Youtube） Then I best not catch this flick on Youtube(Youtube) 你要是大膽大方大嘴巴公開我倆有染 'Cuz if you run your mouth and brag about this secret rendezvous 我要你好看 I will hunt you down 人家怕東森蘋果PTT吸血也吸樟柏汁 'Cuz they be all up in my bidness like a Wendy interview 這是私事，你知我知 But this private between you and I 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 在地上躺好 Put me on the floor 推壓擠滾抱 Wrestle me around 動作不能少 Play wit me some more 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 你的床是我 Throw me on the bed 今天你會明白以前都白活 I just wanna make you feel like you never did 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 容我開腿來 Let me wrap my thighs 夾纏你腰來 All around your waist 這只是前菜 Just a little taste 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 就知道你愛 Know you like my curves 那還不快給我來愛愛，就先摸咪咪 C'mon and give me what I deserve And touch my body 你是我懷中泰迪熊 Imma treat you like a teddy bear 要你衝動走不動 You won't wanna go nowhere 燈光美又氣氛佳 In the lap of luxury 肉身捲麻花 Laying intertwined with me 你的願望我來達 You won't want for nothing boy 還有什麼樂趣比我大 I will give you plenty of joy 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 快把我推倒 Put me on the floor 玩一玩摔角 Wrestle me around 別停好不好 Play wit me some more 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 快扔我上床 Throw me on the bed 我要你領教到什麼叫真爽 I just wanna make you feel like you never did 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 容我開腿來 Let me wrap my thighs 夾纏你腰來 All around your waist 這只是前菜 Just a little taste 來摸咪咪 Touch my body 就知道你愛 Know you like my curves 那還不快給我來愛愛，就先摸咪咪 C'mon and give me what I deserve And touch my body 喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔喔喔喔～ 喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔爺～喔喔喔喔～ 哈～哈～哈～哈～哈～哈～ 嗚嗚～
延伸一把笛：陳冠希大支嗎？