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我是從天命真女首張處女碟就捧場的白癡，聽完唯一的感想，竟跟整張唯一能聽的主打歌歌名一致，就是「No,No,No」。
碧昂絲接下來所有團體的、個人的專輯，我都有，但要說我是碧昂絲的粉絲嗎？別這樣，我們不熟。
寧可承認喜歡她黑暗的、比較賤的一面。
1999年，天命真女第二張專輯《有跡可循》（Writing on the Walls）剛發行，全團是四個屄，打到第三支主打歌《叫阮ㄟ名》（Say My Name）時，其中兩員在家看到MTV台播音樂錄影帶，「耶，是我們的新歌說，但我們在哪裡？」才驚覺自己被開除換角。而MV中，鏡頭始終只帶碧昂絲和凱莉特寫，剩下那兩個黑影，就算是Wesley Snipes或Whoopi Goldberg假冒充數，也沒人注意。
新來的兩個臨時真女並無天命，下場又是被拖出去殺頭。第三張專輯問世，長相抱歉但性情溫順的蜜雪兒正式登場，有別於凱莉和碧昂絲交情深厚，蜜雪兒完全是半途插隊徵試而來，能成為固定班底撐到今天，我相信她，人真的很好。
草菅團命，碧昂絲說她無辜。但主唱是她，經紀人是她爸，服裝設計是她媽，妳他媽說無辜說給誰聽。
她的第二張專輯《偉B誕辰紀念日》（B'Day），八成的歌都很吵，但我聽了八百遍，最愛其中最吵的《貼B舞》（Get Me Bodied）。這支MV還找來碧昂絲的薔薇幫團員凱莉、蜜雪兒、和親妹妹索蘭姬熱場，你看到那個動不動就被擠在鏡頭外的衰小，就是蜜雪兒，她人真的很好。
年初，《偉B誕辰紀念日》改版，發瘋地把所有12首歌都拍音樂錄影帶，收在一張DVD中，未上電視主打的幾支MV，全部砸錢編舞、設計、做造型，不像台灣剪輯歌友會片段充數。她若不是真的專輯大賣回饋鄉民，那就是她性子傑斯真的是金銀島土財主。
話說回來，對這些狗屁倒灶的史料如數家珍卻說我不迷碧昂絲，我他媽說給誰聽。
《貼B舞》（Get Me Bodied）這首歌，有三大怪。
第一怪，她自創前所未聞的俚語，「Get Bodied」。還很好心地在歌詞中附註解釋，「that means come closer to me,while we grind to the beat,and your body touches me」，意指兩人貼舞貼到像在炒飯，也就是跳「交尾舞」的意思；美國在台辦私處的朋友補充，這等於freak在吞世代的用法，「They are freaking」。
第二怪，歌詞一直出現中文「跳」。這是美國人唱的英文歌，為何有洛城小子在叫「跳！跳！跳！」呢？大概碧昂絲在推廣中國話，希望她的下場不要跟SHE一樣。
第三怪，MV的舞步，實在太怪。在唱片公司工作的朋友說，「像老雞母」，可能是因為她有束一把雞毛、跳一段雞舞所致；在電台工作的朋友說，「像獅子王」，可能是因為她多次瘋癲亂震、中邪甩頭所致。曲末她還來一串夜店操兵，這下叫人蹲，那下叫人跪，滿嚇人的，像龍發堂下課時的休閒活動，如果誰有幸跟碧昂絲同泡一蒲，請盡量離她的包廂遠一點。
（說在前頭，我覺得這首歌很髒，為免諸位開罵，附上原文對照，我只是揣摩B意揣得太深，不小心把她譯得更髒罷了。建議回到上方play影片，再拉回來歌詞處配著音樂看...這麼長的重複歌詞，換作是我就直接關視窗了Orz...可恨電腦的ram不堪負荷，要不然實在應該把字幕直接上在影片...好想換電腦啊...）
嘿！嘿！嘿！嘿！嘿！嘿！嘿！嘿！
跳！跳！跳！跳！跳！跳！跳！跳！
Mission 1: Ima put this on
一要，穿漂漂
When they see me in the dress Ima get me some, hey
穿一身瑞氣千條的人就容易被釣，嘿
Mission 2: Gotta make that call
二要，打點好
Tell 'em get the bottles poppin' when they play my song, hey
叫下人聽到我主打歌就噴香檳泡，嘿
Mission 3: Get my three best friends
三要，姊妹淘
Like we do it all the time, we gon do it again, hey
每次出去鬼混都那三人今天也要，嘿
Mission 4: Got that vintage Rolls
四要，大花轎
Drop a couple hundred tell him leave it at the door
一疊小費勞斯萊斯司機乖不拿喬，嘿
I ain't worried doin' me tonight
今晚沒在操煩的
A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
揮汗揮不死人的
While I'm standing on the wall
老娘就算當壁花
I'm the one tonight gettin bodied
也有人來擦火花
Gettin' bodied
摸人家啊
Gettin' bodied
蹭人家啊
Gettin' bodied
貼貼貼啊
Gettin' bodied
黏黏黏啊
Want my body
想要我嗎
Won't ya get me bodied
不想要貼舞嗎
You want my body
要我的話
Won't ya get me bodied
怎麼不貼來呀
Hey
嘿
Get me bodied
快來貼B
I wanna be myself tonight
就在今夜主權在B
Can you get me bodied
B在這裡
I wanna be myself tonight
就在今夜主權在B
Don't you sing my body
你肖想的是B
I want to let it out tonight
我豁出去的也是B
Wanna party, wanna dance, wanna be myself tonight, get me bodied
要趴體，要貼舞，今夜主權在B，趴著貼著B
來者何人？
誰呢？
是誰？
妳是？
什麼？
誰啊？
人家是B呀！（跩）
...誰來著？
Mission 5: We're at the front of the line
五要，比人罩
Let me fix my hair before I go inside, hey
容我免排隊撥撥秀髮再進去瞧瞧，嘿
Mission 6: Gotta check these chicks
六要，比人俏
Cuz you know they gonna block, when I take these flix, hey
誰教老娘甩甩頭現場小妞全呆掉，嘿
Mission 7: Gotta make my rounds
七要，繞一繞
Givin eyes to the guys, now I think I've found 'em, hey
環場打量打量幾隻傻屌幾個能泡，嘿
Mission 8: Why are we conversatin'?
八要，笑一笑
And we could skip small talk, let's get right to the chase, hey
不如就你追我跑跳過搭訕那一套，嘿
I ain't worried doin' me tonight
今晚沒在操煩的
A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
揮汗揮不死人的
While I'm standing on the wall
老娘就算當壁花
I'm the one tonight gettin bodied
也有人來擦火花
Gettin' bodied
摸人家啊
Gettin' bodied
蹭人家啊
Gettin' bodied
貼貼貼啊
Gettin' bodied
黏黏黏啊
Want my body
想要我嗎
Won't ya get me bodied
不想要貼舞嗎
You want my body
要我的話
Won't ya get me bodied
怎麼不貼來呀
Hey
嘿
You see my body
被你看光嚕
I gotta know, I need to know if you can get me bodied
想知道啊想知道你會不會貼B舞
I'm kinda tight, I feeling right
有點放不開，但是還滿high
I need to see somebody, I wanna let it out tonight
有沒有人要貼B舞，B要豁出去舞
Wanna dance, wanna party, wanna be myself tonight
要跳，要趴，今晚豁出去嚕
Get me bodied
快來貼B
I wanna be myself tonight
就在今夜主權在B
Can you get me bodied
B在這裡
I wanna be myself tonight
就在今夜主權在B
Don't you sing my body
你肖想的是B
I want to let it out tonight
我豁出去的也是B
Wanna party, wanna dance, wanna be myself tonight, get me bodied
要趴體，要貼舞，今夜主權在B，趴著貼著B
Baby, all I want is to let it go
北鼻你知否，我只要享受
Ain't no worries no
無後顧之憂
We can dance all night
整晚跳個夠
Get me bodied
教你貼B
That means come closer to me
就是靠近我的咪
While we grind to the beat
全融在節拍裡
And your body (body, body)
你的身體
Touches me
融在B
Baby, All I need is to let it be
北鼻你知否，我只要享受
Ain't no worryin' no
無後顧之憂
Boy dance with me
是男人就跳
Feel my body
摸我的腰
Stop, just come closer to me
快滾來老娘這裡
While we grind to the beat
全磨在節拍裡
And your body (body, body)
讓你身體
Touching away
磨著B
Tonight gettin' bodied
今晚抱到爽到
Ain't no shame cause I gotta get mine
別害臊，我也有賺到
I'll swing my hair and kick off my shoes
我會甩髮也會踢踏舞
It's coming boy let me work on you
來吧讓你見識兩三步
I ain't worried doin' me tonight
今晚沒在操煩的
A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
揮汗揮不死人的
While I'm standing on the wall
老娘就算當壁花
I'm the one tonight gettin bodied
也有人來擦火花
Gettin' bodied
摸人家啊
Gettin' bodied
蹭人家啊
Gettin' bodied
貼貼貼啊
Gettin' bodied
黏黏黏啊
Want my body
想要我嗎
Won't ya get me bodied
不想要貼舞嗎
You want my body
要我的話
Won't ya get me bodied
怎麼不貼來呀
Hey
嘿
Ladies on the floor
小姐照過來
All my ladies on the floor
所有小姐照過來
If ya ready, get ready, to get it
準備好來，來來，一起來，蹲，嘿！
Drop down low and sweep the floor with it
女生蹲啊女生蹲
Drop drop down low and sweep the floor with it
蹲啊女生蹲啊女生蹲
Drop down low and sweep the floor with it
女生蹲啊女生蹲
Drop drop down low and sweep the floor with it
蹲啊女生蹲啊女生蹲
Do the uh oh, do the uh oh
來叫哦哦，叫聲哦哦
Do the uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh nah nah
來叫哦哦，喔喔，哦哦，別亂叫喔
Do the uh oh, do the uh oh
來叫哦哦，叫聲哦哦
Do the uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh nah nah
來叫哦哦，喔喔，哦哦，別亂叫喔
Pat yo weave ladies, pat pat, pat yo weave ladies
來拍辮子，拍拍，女孩來拍辮子
Watch him while he check up on it
有人瞄妳就瞄回去
Pat yo weave ladies, pat pat, pat yo weave ladies
來拍辮子，拍拍，女孩來拍辮子
Watch him while he check up on it
有人瞄妳就瞄回去
Tick tick tick, tick fight
定，定，定，定格
Tick tick tick tick tick fight
滴，滴，滴，滴，滴，滴答
Tick tick tick, tick fight
定，定，定，定格
Tick tick tick tick tick fight
滴，滴，滴，滴，滴，滴答
Pose for the camera now flick flick
來擺姿勢自拍，快，拍
Pose for the camera now flick flick
來擺姿勢自拍，快，拍
Pose for the camera now flick flick
來擺姿勢自拍，快，拍
Pose for the camera now flick flick
來擺姿勢自拍，快，拍
Do an old school dance, an old school dance
來跳土風舞，哇咧好復古
An old school dance, bring it old school
土風舞有沒有這麼復古啊
Do an old school dance, an old school dance
來跳土風舞，哇咧好復古
Do an old school dance, old school
土風舞有沒有這麼復古啊
Stop cool off cool off
停！搧風，納涼
Cool off cool off
好涼，好涼
Drop cool off cool off
停！搧風，納涼
Cool off, cool off
好涼，好涼
Wind it back girl
下個腰來
Wind it back girl
下個腰來
Duck ya head touch the floor wind it back
後腦勺著地再給我起來
Wind it back girl
下個腰來
Wind it back girl
下個腰來
Duck ya head touch the floor wind it back
後腦勺著地再給我起來
Drop to ya knees, hunch back girl
來下跪，弓起背來
Shake sake it like that alley cat
甩甩，像胡同的野貓甩
Drop to ya knees, hunch back girl
來下跪，弓起背來
Shake sake it like that alley cat
甩甩，像胡同的野貓甩
Shake ya dairy air in them Dereon's
甩出妳的奶香來
Shake shake ya dairy air in the House of Dereon
從我賣的內衣甩出奶香來
Shake ya dairy air in them Dereon's
甩出妳的奶香來
Shake shake ya dairy air in the House of Dereon
從我賣的內衣甩出奶香來
Do the sissor leg, touch ya heels touch ya toes
來段剪刀腳，摸鞋跟來摸趾頭
Do the sissor leg, touch ya heels touch ya toes
來段剪刀腳，摸鞋跟來摸趾頭
Do the sissor leg, touch ya heels touch ya toes
來段剪刀腳，摸鞋跟來摸趾頭
Do the sissor leg, touch ya heels touch ya toes
來段剪刀腳，摸鞋跟來摸趾頭
Do the Naomi Campbell walk, Naomi Campbell walk
學黑珍珠走台步，黑珍珠走台步
Walk across the room like Naomi Campbell
學黑珍珠走台步穿過舞池
Do the Naomi Campbell walk, Naomi Campbell walk
學黑珍珠走台步，黑珍珠走台步
Walk across the room like Naomi Campbell
學黑珍珠走台步穿過舞池
Snap for the kids, snap for the kids
為妹子彈指，為妹子彈指
Snap for them suckas few times
為遜掉的妹子響彈手指
Snap for the kids, snap for the kids
為妹子彈指，為妹子彈指
Snap for them suckas few times
為遜掉的妹子響彈手指
I touch ya body, while ya touch my body
我玩玩你來你戲弄我
We touching bodies tonight
我們整夜自強活動
We getting bodied
我們自強活動
I touch ya body, while ya touch my body
我玩玩你來你戲弄我
We touching bodies tonight
我們整夜自強活動
We getting bodied
我們自強活動
Gettin' bodied (gettin' bodied)
摸人家啊
Gettin' bodied (gettin' bodied)
蹭人家啊
Gettin' bodied (I'm the only one tonight)
貼貼貼啊
Gettin' bodied (gettin' bodied)
黏黏黏啊
Want my body
想要我嗎
Won't ya get me bodied
不想要貼舞嗎
You want my body
要我的話
Won't ya get me bodied
怎麼不貼來呀
Hey
嘿
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